Wild Kitty, all I can tell you is that "the person you were before" is the same person who brought you where you are now...I once heard a woman in therapy say that instead of seeing her circumstances as a "breakdown" she saw them as a "breakthrough" thats the attitude that will empower you and grow you as a person! heres something else, when we clean a room we sometimes have to make a bigger mess at first in order to achieve the result, or...you can't drink grapes,you have to squish them first...It is tough...trust me I do know just how tough it is! but it's a WHOLE lot easier than living the rest of your life going around in circles. I hope that you'll find a way to hold on thru this "dark night" until the morning comes...and it will