Hello TheNightWhistle,

what a wonderful thread and important question. I am sorry you have experienced abuse. it was not your fault. You deserve peace and safe love.
Your thread topic is something I have been thinking of in my own life. I believe the secret is reciprocity. If you give and share and others around you only take, then you lack reciprocity. Now, I'm not going to label them bad or unfeeling for that....there are all sorts of reasons why people behave as they do. But the lack of reciprocity, in my opinion, is a clear signal that you care more about them than they do about you. That is NOT a reflection of your worth. You are an intrinsically valuable person no matter what. But it is a reflection of others and their ability to relate to you in healthy ways.

I'll share part of my own sad truth here. In the last 18 months, I have endured two major life traumas including the death of a parent. I was shocked to find that my "friends" were dismissive or superficial at best in their responses. These are people I've been "friends" with for years. I have supported them and helped them through various struggles. Then when I needed comfort, they disappeared. "Fair weather friends" I suppose. When my birthday was approaching, they were all willing to celebrate with me and yet did not care that my father died or that I endured another huge and unexpected trauma a year later. They were suddenly silent and stopped contacting me. I certainly did not expect them to be my counselors but I thought they'd care enough at least to give me a call or ask how I was or want to go out for dinner or coffee and share a few laughs etc. I was wrong. I had been giving and giving and did not pay attention to the lack of reciprocity.

Hopeless?? No way! There's always hope! I'll focus on self-analysis a while and then start over with new friendships and a new approach. As I said, reciprocity is key. That is what I lacked even though I helped my friends with their traumas.

I sincerely hope that you find the genuine love you seek. Until then, know that I care