no..i don't think it's anything about his life or him... he's been practicing for over 20yrs

honestly? i dont know what or how to think

he wants me to start helping myself and not reach for him as the first line of defence

that part makes sense to me

but i am unable to define what the structure is now...

he never said "I will never return your calls"... what he said was "..calling you back is not in your long term best interests"

i don't know if that includes "never" i have no ability or basis to make that decision really

to decide that he would return my call in a bad situation would mean i would have to make assumptions all over the place... i'd have to decide i was worth something worth a whole lot more than the nothing i believe i am. i would have to be able to really gauge what he would or won't do and i dont want to just guess.

if i put this in the best possible light and give it the best of all intentions and all the ideals i can apply... then what i come up with is that he really would call me if things were beyond my ability to cope, but he wants me to come to that conclusion - THAT is a pretty big leap from what i have been able to do so far..if indeed that is the idea at all... like i said, i would have to apply some pretty big "ideal filters" to it.

we were making changes... or so i thought...

maybe i am stupid? does "..calling you back is not in your long term best interests" sound like he is planning to still return my calls?

i just want to feel secure

but all i feel is pain