I have a lot of anxiety of this post. Strangely, I'm scared someone who knows me in real life might actually see this. I'm sure the odds of this are incredibly slim.

Hopefully, I have my 'relationship' broken off with Cliff. He isn't someone I need in my life and has help to thrust me into a deeper depression. There has been some physical abuse, though minor IMO, I know it only gets worse.

I think, perhaps, I some of my actions were an attempt to find someone or start something else that would help me break away from him. He does scare me. He came knocking on my door at 1am last night; he said he just wanted to lay next to me but, of course, he kept trying to 'touch' me and I don't want that from anyone. The night before, he came over and wanted to force me to talk to him. But my answers I guess were not sufficient enough so he refused to take me home. At one point, I saw some police officers parked in a lot and I started to honk the horn; I just wanted out of the situation.

Still, the person who physically abused me the most was myself. I had hit myself in the head so many times that I finally gave myself a large knot just above my right eye. Now, thinking about that, I just get so pissed off at myself for continuing this 'relationship' after the first sign of physical abuse.

I haven't been to work in two days and I can seem to get myself back together.

Sorry for the rant. I feel so self-absorbed when I start to disclose the things happening in my life at the moment. On the one hand, it feel great to have the sense I'm getting this off my chest and the feeling that I'm not along because I have expressed somethings to others.

While I know, we all have our issues and struggles, I appreciate being able to get a morsel or two of understanding and knowing that there are people who will listen.