"Too be honest I feel like he deserves better, as whatever I go through he goes through aswell, I feel like a absolute %#@&#! up and I still cant look him in the eye properly

grrrrrrrrrrrr. I hate myself right now. babyg xxx "

How are things with your bf? i don't think you are any of those things btw and i hope you can fel better about yourself and your coping methods. we all know we are suppoed to be working on changing our coping methods... but that can (i am guessing here) only come with acceptance and respect.

hope you're ok!!!! Kiya