Feeling INTENSE. Can't stop staring wildly. Overwhelmed. Will fight to the death to survive. Contentment has been lost. Need support. This PTSD therapy is helping but I seem to be reacting and want to act out. So I am drinking a beer with smokes I cannot afford. Why can't I be better behaved? Trying, trying so hard. Not sure what to do tonight. Will try to sleep early but feel wired. Don't want to take Seroquel so we'll see how that goes. Guess it's one of those intense struggly days.