My Support Forums - View Single Post - Childhood abuse and going to the doctor as an adult

starryprince · Apr 11, 2019 at 10:53 AM

Hey all. This is a very vulnerable post for me but I don't have many places to turn to at the moment. This post has to do with childhood sexual abuse and going to the doctor when you're older. I'm just going to put the whole thing as a trigger warning, just to be safe.

Possible trigger:

So, as you all know, I'm a survivor of CSA. I really want to go to the OBGYN. Not because I feel like there's something wrong with me but because I just want to make sure I'm healthy. The issue is that I'm terrified. I'm now in my late 20s and I've never gone. I'm also a virgin and family has always had a very conservative view on sex so that makes things worse. I'm afraid I'll start crying or that I'll dissociate. I thought that my abuse never affected me because it only happened a couple of times but, as I've gotten older, I'm realizing that it's really affected me in more ways than I thought.

I told my best friend that I've never been to the OBGYN and she was judgmental. I told her that I was afraid to go and I think it had to do with what happened to me as a child but she just said, "Yea, but you have to go. I'm honestly surprised you haven't gone." I was very embarrassed and I still am. She's a great person but she can be insensitive from time to time.

I have a therapist but I haven't seen her in months due to something happening that I didn't like. I'll call her to make an appointment, though, because it's very hard for me to find another one at the moment. I will talk about this in our session, whenever that will be. We started talking about it but I was so embarrassed that I just shut down.

Has anyone here ever had the same or similar issue ? Any advice? Thank you to all those that read this. I appreciate it.