I can relate to this, I was getting the same feeling (and I often get this feeling) as I was reading your post. I yearn for that youthful energy, and the ignorance of this illness. I'm sure I must have been showing subtle signs of this illness back then, but it was nice thinking I believing I could achieve the life I imagined for myself.
Embarrassingly, I've been sort of online stalking my boyfriend from back then- I've not made contact or anything super weird, just read what he had put out there for anyone to read. He was not very nice to me, so I'm not sure why my occasional obsession with him lately...other than, I would just love to be 17 again, and not know any of what I know now, or maybe know all of it, and make different choices for myself.

I try and shake out of these doldrums of unhealthy nostalgia, and looking at my past with rose tinted glasses, and focus on making my current life better for myself. But the shear lack of energy, despite motivation just kills me. So tough to want to improve things but having the energy of a 90 year old with the flu most of the time.

Encouraged by your new spring clothes, Bird Dancer. It's given me to courage to pull out and assess my spring/summer clothes and accept what I fear I have out-fatted and what maybe *fingers crossed* still fits.