Welcome to Psych Central, ak.

I read, in one of your other posts, that you're going to be seeing a therapist. I hope you find that to be helpful. There is such a thing as "existential depression". And perhaps this is similar to what you're experiencing?

Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject, the first 2 by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:
What is Existential Depression?
Coping with Existential Depression
Existential Despair: A Deeper Cause of Human Anxiety
I hope you're finding PC to be of benefit.