Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays
Are you equating her saying it sounded like you lacked empathy for the crisis line people with penalizing you? That seems sort of interesting. I understand why that might have hurt your feelings, especially since you pride yourself on being an empath. I really don't like when anybody says I am lacking a trait in relation to some situation, when the trait is something I value highly and think I am naturally good at - and it is upsetting whether the person is right or wrong.
I guess I'm just curious how an observation is punitive. I'm not disagreeing, just trying to understand.
I'm also unclear about this. Did you actually challenge someone, or do you mean the venting? I have no idea, I'm just wondering because from my personal observations, venting isn't a stepping stone to being able to actually confront people. Venting is inversely proportional to assertiveness irl (again, just from my own observations). You might need to spell out for your therapist if you see the venting as part of your improvement, especially if she hasn't known you very long and won't recognize if you weren't previously critical of people who had wronged you.
|
Hi Sussannahsays,
I really appreciated your response and insight. I feel you understand the reason why it bothers me so much. I am happy you can see that. My therapist didn't mean this in a mean way - it just really shook me and indicated she didn't have a solid understanding of me quite yet.
The part about challenging my therapist is hard to do because I am so afraid of the therapeutic dynamic now from past truamas. It is valid to be afraid - but I realize not everyone is the same. I am usually passive, submissive, pliant, maliable and overly kind in relationships and I tend to teach people that I will put up with abuse and stick around. I want to break this cycle and start setting boundaries again so I can be respected and maintain healthy relationships and avoid potential abuses. It is a pattern I have been stuck in for years. But it is so hard to be assertive because my worst fears are abandonment, rejection, retraumatization etc.
I would hope my therapist recognizes this and welcomes boundaries and literally rewards me for setting them. If I am penalized - my fears could override and I could become pliant and submissive again to avoid potential abuse / abandonment - which in and of itself could repeat the trauma.
Does that make more sense? I didn't really do a good job explaining it before.
Thanks,
HD7970ghz