I used to be pretty easygoing and confident actually. Which is weird if you think about it, because I got bullied a lot as a kid, but in a way I was alwas rooting for myself, trusting that life would become better, and I was always happy about every little 'improvement' I made.

A few years ago this completely turned on its head. I believe it was triggered by me leaving a job though I'm not sure how it's related. Also maybe just due to getting older. I have since become hypercritical of myself. Improvements I make do not seem to matter, I feel small and worthless and just unimportant. When I get a compliment I down-talk it, I worry a lot that I will never have success in life and it's just... not enough. Me, my life, is not enough and never will be and everything is just utterly meaningless. That's how I feel.

My therapist thinks that the cause of this is likely my mother, as she was always super critical of me and told me how I'm doing everything wrong. I have since cut contact with my mother. I however find it weird that this only really affects me now that I'm an adult - I haven't lived with her for years.

I feel like I'm not rooting for myself anymore, like I have just given up. Rationally I know that I am smart, with a good degree and privileged and could do many things in life if I just give some effort but emotionally I feel like a failure.