Thanks again all for the words of encouragement.

Met with my psychiatrist and he is upping my dose. And that terrifies me. The lithium has me feeling...flat. I feel nothing. I'm entering the depression downswing now and I am just mentally and physically exhausted. I keep telling myself that it takes time, but the side effects have been a bane. Headaches, muscle aches, hand tremors. Yesterday at work someone told me I needed to "calm down, there's nothing to be nervous about". I realized my hands were shaking.

My doctor said with my severe reaction to many psych meds, it would be a challenge to find another suitable medication. So, I am just...hanging in there. But if I am feeling so muted and numb from this initial dosing, how is doubling the dose going to work?

I am still scared. But, I keep hanging with it. Because maybe it gets better. And because I wasn't managing my symptoms very effectively or healthily.