I grew up in a very dysfunctional family system. When I moved out, I NEVER heard from anyone unless I initiated contact first. I'm still triangulated by my two siblings and mother, so I am still the family member who exists on the "outside" of their inner circle.

My advice to you is to set strong boundaries with your family, so that they will stop invading your emotional boundaries. For example, set limits with them and DO NOT let them guilt trip you into breaking your limits to please them. Let them guilt-trip away, make idle threats...whatever they do. Just don't let their words or actions negatively impact your life, which is separate from theirs.

Family enmeshment is common with family systems where no one person takes responsibility for their own actions, and passes the blame around to other family members. Sometimes, family members gang up and triangulate against other family members whom they view as a threat to the system, b/c that family member is the emotionally healthy one with boundaries that the other family members try to turn into the family blacksheep or scapegoat.

I don't know what kind of family system you have, or what your relationship is with each of your family members. All I can do is advise you to clearly communicate with your family members what your limits with their demands are. You will not do what they want you do to for them, each and every time as though you don't have a life. That is your right. "No" is a complete sentence. You don't need to justify or explain to them why you're saying "No" either to their demands or requests. You will be much happier, once you start practicing saying "no" to them. At first, you'll notice they will react with anger and make idle threats and try to emotionally blackmail you when you set limits with them. That is totally normal. That can go on for weeks, even months. It's starts to happen when the healthy family member changes their boundaries or limits with the family system.

There's a disruption of sorts (good b/c if the family system is toxic, it needs to be fixed). Resistance is not futile, as the Borg say. Resistance on your part is necessary to remain detached and independent from your family system. Resist the urge to take their rejection of your setting limits with them, personally. Don't take it personally. It's part of the process. I went through this when I estranged myself from my brother. Going on ten years of not seeing or hearing from my brother or his wife and children doesn't bother me in the least. And, my other family members have come to accept it. They still occasionally try to tell me about his life, or try to emotionally blackmail me to go with them to his house but I remain adamant that I want nothing to do with that b*stard.

The only way to get your family to respect you more, is to set limits with them. Put yourself and your needs first and theirs second. Yes, they are your family, but that doesn't mean you are an indentured servant available to them 24/7.