Experiencing this is super frustrating to me. Its especially frustrating because Im not sure what to attribute to my meds and what is because of my illness- this makes me have a sort of bitterweet relationship with taking my medication, which is already sort of a problem, so I hope to come to terms with whatever I need to here in order for this not to ibother me so much.

But I just hate feeling stupid. I know, objectively, Im not stupid... but relative to how I feel off medication, I just feel much slower.

But on meds I feel so much more stable and can probably have a better and more full life than I would off them- its just sucks thinking of how much I have to give up.