I worked on this with my therapist, but I've recently moved and don't have a new therapist yet, and feeling really crummy about this topic, so was looking for some support and validation.

A few times in my life, I have joined a group or a gotten a new job or visited a place and over some time realized how much it was not for me or how much I just flat out didn't like it. But because, in the background of my ongoing childhood abuse, I wasn't allowed to have my feelings or opinions on things, and I never realized this until recently, but I subconsciously assume that it must be ME, there is something wrong with ME, and that I should stay and change myself so that I like the place.

I think it would be pretty obvious why that doesn't work. So then conflict arises, because not only am I trying to convince myself that this social group or work environment is actually really positive and good, and I should like it, or the members of the group make it out that I'm a bad person for having trouble fitting into the group or job or whatever. It ends up taking me through this incredible emotional turmoil and occasionally some actual conflict, because I simply cannot say "I do not like this place. I am leaving." I hope you can understand this: to me it's like I am a bad person because I do not like that place and cannot make myself like it.

I'm quite upset right now because recently I actually took a proactive step and left a group that I finally decided, after 6 months of BS, that the group was not for me. Then people from the group started privately contacting me in what seemed, to me, like attempts to assure themselves that I am wrong for not liking that group environment. Obviously I'm not going into details; I am just sharing what is relevant to the coping issue I'm having and what's affecting me.

(And frankly, I hate having to give a disclaimer that I'm only discussing the relevant details, because it's possible there are members of that group here who would wish to argue with me, rather than allow me to seek support for the things I am dealing with, and making my needs about them. If this is you, then just pass my post over, thank you. You can have your opinion of things elsewhere, and I can have mine here.) Ug, I can't even believe that I feel I have to say that to protect myself.

Back to the coping with emotions part: I am trying to build a space where it's okay for me to feel what I feel or have my opinion. My feelings or opinions do not have to agree with anyone else's. And I certainly don't want to be in any groups where their intent is to FORCE me to change how I feel or what I think. And I am trying to work on leaving relationships, social groups, situations, environments that are bad for me or not conducive to my health and happiness immediately when I start to get that uncomfortable feeling versus after they've been allowed to traumatize me further (might be a little dramatic with that phrasing but I'm not quite sure how to put their impact differently - the impact is quite bad on me).

Does anyone else struggle with leaving situations, jobs, environments, relationships that are just not good for them or a good fit for them? I don't even mean outright domestic abuse, but just like, things that are psychologically distressing or even so simple as not your preference and leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

I just need to know: it's okay for me to not like something and say I don't like it and not want to participate in it. And I don't have to apologize for that.

seesaw