I’m the OP - thank you for asking about me.

I’m actually doing quite well! I’m nearly a year out of therapy. I was doing EMDR and accupuncture for a few months as part of ‘therapy recovery’ but stopped because I didn’t feel it was worth my efforts or money. I think in the scheme of things, only time has helped.

I still think about therapy and my therapist a lot. Occasionally I go through periods of longing, particularly when I’m sick or struggling. I also have periods of anger - towards both therapy as an institution and about many of the things she said and did that felt destructive. I do my best to feel my feelings as they crop up, and let them go so I can move on.

I often look back on my many years of therapy with a lot of regret. I made therapy and my therapist the centerpiece of my life for a long time and realize how much living I wasn’t doing. I invested most of my emotional energy trying to get something from her that I was never meant to have. I thought the pain and suffering I went through in my relationship with her would eventually lead to healing, but I recognize it now as subtle (and often not so subtle) traumatization.

More than anything, I am happy to be free from the enmeshment and dependency of therapy. It’s wonderful not living session to session, obsessing over converrsational nuances, fretting about her vacation schedule, and desperately seeking her love and approval. I do miss the ‘highs’ of good sessions and the temporary feeling of being cared about - but freedom has been more valuable. At least with where I am at right now.

I wish everyone who is struggling in their relationships with their therapist hope and healing. Getting out might not be good for everyone but for me it was.