My mom has been helping me with some cleaning/organizing the last couple of days. I really appreciate the help but she makes me feel bad about it without trying. She said something today about not letting things get so ahead of me and I told her I just haven't had much motivation lately and that it's been hard with my father's illness and death. She told me I need to just do things regardless of how I feel. Which seems like asking a lot. My brother is grieving also and having a hard time and I don't think she gets why it is hard for us since it had been 20 years. The problem is that 20 years doesn't erase love, even if you thought it did and wanted it to. It's not like it will be when she dies, I can't imagine that, but it is sad and had and I'm proud that I have done enough laundry to have clean clothes.

Oh well. At least my house is getting cleaner and that's a good thing. The guilt I'll just have to ignore.