Feeling a bit better today though not great. That was a really rough night. I tried to meet up with my friend but felt so terrible I ended up turning around and going home. I was feeling dizzy, and anxious, and like I was going to break down crying and had no idea how I could even talk to my friend much less be in a crowd.
I am worrying that I was inadvertently rude to my therapist yesterday. Hopefully she understands it was me being different than normal and doesn't fault me as I did not directly act mean to her. Definitely a reason I avoid interaction when I am like this.
I was not feeling optimistic about mindfulness during therapy yesterday, but now I am back to thinking that is one of the best things for me. I guess when I am really suffering it feels like it is not enough, and without an idea of how I will improve long term or exactly going on I feel a bit frustrated. I feel I ought to add a positive to my post, so I will say I got up early and already did the grocery shopping. Planning to cook some healthy things this week. Trying to turn things around this weekend and next week.