Today I coped very well.I spent all day from 12pm until 7pm with my mum looking after her,I made her food and helped her to eat and I helped her on the commode when she needed it,and I kept her company and put her to bed before I cam home.I was tired and exhausted after all that,it is so tiring cos not only do I have to help with her physical needs but she is virtually blind and forgets that her mum and dad have died and keeps thinking she is back in her village in her home town,so talking to her and bringing her back to reality is tiring.But I did it today for my sister cos she does it every day without a break and I wanted to help her rest today.I feel for my sister cos it's hard work even though my sister is a narcissist and I spent years being abused by her.Nevertheless she is flesh and blood and has looked after my mum who has been wheelchair bound and immobile for the last 15 years,so she needs a break and I will help her cos it is too much.We are getting carers back in we had to dismiss the last agency because they wanted to start charging for travel time on top of care time so most of the hour we will pay for travel and not get the full hour care but only twenty minutes so we refused to sign that contract and until we get another care agency in my sister has to do most of the caring.So I said I'd do the odd day if she needs a break.

So I coped well but feel upset and tired and want to cry cos it was so exhausting.I have my own chores to do but didn't get them done and am too tired tonight so will do them tomorrow after I have had a good night's sleep.I feel old,alone and lonely too.Is this it,is this my life,will I trot on in solitude towards my old age?Will I be infirm,blind and immobile when I am old and who will look after me,I have no children,no spouse,the state won't care,what will become of me when I am my mum's age,87?I worry about it,my mum has always been dependent on us,I hope to maintain my independence well into old age.I want to get fit and started a diet and I am joining a gym.