I appreciate the advice that you and others have provided to stop taking the anti depressant so that my sex drive is less. The more i thought about it, the more i realized that this would only be a bandaid anyway, not an actual solution.


It pains me to hear you are in a similar situation. I get that there is a lot of emotion and vulnerability tied into sex and that that can make someone who has experienced abuse in the past especially have difficulty with opening up that way with any significant other. It sounds like you, like me, are very sensitive to this and we are not trying to force anything on our women. I am not sure if your fiancee has experienced something similar, but my wife had an ex who required her to have sex with him weekly, even though she was not a willing participant. Things like that, i am sure leave an indelible mark that is not easily gotten over. However, shouldn't they be then even more cognizant of that scar and seek professional help to avoid it affecting their newer, healthy, and loving relationship? That is why i have reached the point of exasperation with my wife. I can say i love her, and i can show her i do through my actions like doing housework, taking kids to appointments, etc. but the problem is that there is zero satisfaction in all of that for me. I want to experience love in the most intimate way with my wife, let her know that she is sexy and connected to me, and that i love and feel safe being vulnerable with her and i can't. And i have no idea where this wall came from or if it's ever going away. I don't know if you're experiencing the same thing, but with my wife, it wasn't just the amount of sex we were having before that i miss, it was that it was woven into all the other parts of our life too, in a very fun, playful way. She would come home from work and pinch my behind while i was cooking or give me a long, passionate kiss and then start giggling if one of the kids walked in. There has not been any of that in over a year and it is so hurtful because that was one of the things with her that was so different and unique from all my past romances. I can't make her care though. I can't make her try to figure out why it is not important to her.


My hope is that your fiancee will open up to you and at least try to explore this with you. Maybe in talking about it, she will be able to see what the roadblock is and will trust you and work toward a more intimate physical life all the more for you wanting to help her. As far as carrying forward with the marriage if she isn't going to change...well, that is not something i can answer or give advice on. I loved my wife and so much was working in the relationship that i thought with very clear rose-tinted glasses on, that in marriage she would feel even more amorous. I should have known better, and that is why i stated that now i feel doomed. I am not going to end my sacred marriage or my vows to her over this but she has shown no sign that things are going to change or that she even cares that she is hurting me or that i am so unsatisfied. Lots of men and women are staying committed in passionless marriages so i guess i can manage. Only you can decide if you are willing to do the same. I wish you all the luck, sincerely.

You should absolutely confront the situation now, try to do so as lovingly as possible and clearly delineate to her why it is so important to you and the health of your partnership. If she hears how much it means to you and is willing to get help or work through it just with you, then great. Hopefully, you don't get the same response i did. There are few things that hurt more than pouring your heart out to the love of your life and then just getting an "Eh, it's not important to me so we aren't going to work on it". I pray you get a more warm response.