My ex boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me back in 2013 due to his and my metal illness. His being depression and anxiety (which is now ADD, Bipolar 2 disorder, and Generalized anxiety disorder) and mine being undifferentiated schizophrenia or schizoaffective bipolar type and post traumatic stress disorder. Since then i've had a hard time looking for someone who is willing to accept me... I've been missing intimacy and sex. I've been having my sexual needs met but at a price because i get too close to that someone and all they want is sex been making me an emotional mess.

I've tried online dating websites... I try not to be open too much about my diagnosis but when a guy asked me why i wasn't working i told him i was on disability. Then he asked about why i was on it and i was quite frank... because of schizophrenia. He looked it up and said he doesn't know how to handle someone "like me"... kept asking what he should do if i was in the middle of an "episode"... i told him just be there for me that's all i ask. He kept asking question after question and i was like... "i don't think it's going to work out lets be friends." he then text me after that once and i didn't text him back right away... when i did he stopped texting me all together. Just a ****** situation.

I've thought about dating someone else with a mental illness too. however, the guy i met at the hospital last summer kinda blocked me off of facebook and I had to text him asking if he deleted his facebook... he said no but he has a girlfriend now... a week after asking me if i wanted to move in with him... after sending each other nudes and dirt videos... after all that i wasn't too devastated because he wasn't the most stable person. he was in the hospital for running in front of the car after a bad acid trip. So i'm like "**** you too buddy".

I know i'm not the most stable person out there... i'm not the most beautiful person out there but definitely not the ugliest person out there despite how i may feel about myself at most days. I've been told i'm crazy in a "good" way, eccentric, and out there which isn't a bad thing in itself. I just miss intimacy. No one wants to date the "crazy" girl. No one wants to date a "fat" girl either (i'm fat due to medications i've been on but managed to lose 40 pounds of that weight so far and eventually hope to get back down to my high school weigh at 140 pounds... just 60 more pounds to go).

after years of trying to better myself there was a 4 year period where i was pretty stable and hadn't been into a psych hospital from between 2012 until 2016 when my meds were somewhat working despite telling my psych doctor i felt like taking a gun to my head and blowing my ****ing brains out between those times. She just didn't listen and didn't even increase my medication or send me off to a hospital like she should of... I guess i'm lucky my ex boyfriends dads gun was locked up somewhere i didn't know about but at that point i was looking to find it anyways. i guess quite honestly i haven't been stabled since 2008. Maybe not being stable myself is my problem?

I've attract quite a few guys but they're way too much older than I am and quite honestly creepy as ****. When i worked from 2009 - 2012 i had older men stair at my breast while asking me where stuff is at a retail store... i've had a store manager who looked old enough to be my dad asked me i like to party and if i would party with him. I recently on my birthday i had an old coworker who was way older than i am ask me if we can hang out sometime... i said yeah sure. he kept asking if my mom was around and when she worked. then proceeded to asked me if i wanted him to rub my back for me... I told him no and that was inappropriate of him to say to me. I then told my mom and she gave him an ear full. Not quite sure why i attract older and creepy men... granted not all of them were "ugly" just their inappropriate to the point of being downright scary. Probably because of my personality. maybe they think i'm a slut that would **** anyone?

Do you have a mental illness that prevents you to get into relationships with others because of stigma? Any suggestions on how to find someone to me intimate with? Am i doomed for a lonely life due to being "schizophrenic" despite being medication and therapeutically compliant? Why do i attract creepy older men? Is dating really important compared to my other issues i face? should i give up? what would you do if you were in my shoes?