hello. new member here trying to figure put what to do. sorry if its too long and disjoined. not getting much sleep the past week and its catching up.

last monday my wife of 24 years says she needs her space and doesnt want to be accountable to me for awhile. says she is leaning towards leaving me but doesnt know and is very confused. she is going thru perimenopause as well. i have been very understanding of that and thought things were ok.

she wanted me to move out and i said she needed to be the one that moves out since its her needing space. for 3 days we stayed at home but stayed apart. i gave her space.

she texted friday and said she was leaving for the weekend and will be back monday. i know she is having an emotional affaird with a single man that she plays tennis with on a mixed doubles team. in retro spect they have been growing closer. she has told me he talks to her about his dating woes. evidently she has been talking to him about her marriage woes. she says he is telling her to work the marriage out and stay. i snooped on her mac laptop that is synced with her iphone and found his contact. special ring tone. birthday. and his gate code to his housing community.

i’ve drove by 2 days after this started and she was there. havenent seen it there since she left though.

i know she is emotionally connected to him, yet she claims he is just a freind trying to help her out. i know the tennis group a little and i’ve seen some emails from him about other people and the guys is a very suppostive, positive person. i dont think they are having a sexual affair yet but dont want to be naive either. she spends alot of time typing on her phone. doesnt let it out of her sight. is moodly like a high school girl at times.

i think my wife is just craving this emotional support right now. she still loves me. scared to leave but is confussed.

so how does a guy let his wife float in the wind and possible hook up? do you really do that?

seems like by doing that, she will drift farther away.

there are small glimmers of hope in the limited contact we’ve had mostly thru texing. one texted she typed “i am really sorry for all this i just need time to decompress and be in a better place to talk”

i have not bothered her but hope to see her monday. whats my play?

i’ve read alot about letting her be free. is that really the way this goes?

thanks.