I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through all of this, BonsaiGuy! All the other great, wise, wonderful posters have already gave you lots of great, wise, wonderful advice so I won't repeat it too much! I'd suggest to listen to them as much as you can if you need to and want to! They ALL always give wonderful advice to everyone! I'm so sorry you and your wife are feeling SO violated! It's certainly a TERRIBLE thing to go through and I certainly don't wish it upon everyone, not even my worst enemy, let alone such a kind, sweet ,wonderful person like you, and you wife as well! Do you remember that techniques have you used in the past when you've been feeling violated? I'd suggest to apply those if you remember them and see if they work out! Just remember that it WILL take time but it WILL pass sooner or later, like the wise divine1966 has already wisely said better than I ever could! Let's hope sooner of course! I also completely agree with the kind and sweet Mopey about talking about it with other people if you can and want to! Hopefully it will make you feel a little bit better! I'm so sorry, I wish I've had more advice to give to you! I'm here to listen if you need it and you want to! You know I'm always SO happy to hear from you! I'm sure everyone here on PC will gladly listen to you as well! We all care about you here! We all love you here! Feel free to vent and write here as much as you need to and want to! You know we'll NEVER judge you! I promise you that! I'm so sorry you and your wife are struggling so much and that you're both going through all of this! You and your wife don't deserve to suffer at all! Nobody deserves to suffer at all, certainly not you and your wife! I'm so sorry you and your wife have to deal with all of this almost entirely by yourselves!