cavaliers...thank you for sharing that. You seem to have nailed the over arching theme for me, too. Fear and pain. Unfortunately when we parse out certain emotions or experiences, it means we also "can't connect" with the good things we've done, either. Like academics, awards, public speaking, art, writing...and on the other side of it a complete fuzzy disconnect on who that is. No ability to to do any of it at times. It has been a source of torment over the years. ("What is wrong with me!")

There is a lot falling into place for me as I allow myself to be curious about how I've survived all this time. Complex PTSD...I imagine, can often go hand in hand with DID. Layers and layers and layers.

Interestingly I am still in a mix of pain and fear, recovering from spine surgery #4 and watching from a distance as my mosaic starts to make sense.

In one way, I'm scared. Yet in another, I'm safe now.

Thanks for being here.
FearLess47