The mental gymnastics you seem to be doing to avoiding natural interaction with others in order to avoid some possible pain down the road seems exhausting. You appear to be on full-on avoidance mode. The irony of trying to purposefully avoid feelings is that you are constantly thinking in terms of those feelings. It's like trying to think an itch into going away; the itchy feeling just magnifies and becomes unbearable. Hate to tell you, but I think perhaps you need to discuss this active avoidance with your therapist because, honestly, I think you are magnifying the issue for yourself.