I could be but when I brought up the thing with baby T about not wanting to do anything with him that I did with my T... he just said "it's good you are able to recognize those triggers" So I think it's not an issue for him.....

Both of them know I'm avoidant, I was honest about that straight away. I just feel lost... although now that I learned what "ambiguous loss/frozen grief" is... I kinda understand things more and don't feel as frustrated with myself, that frustration was hugely weighing on me