I'm so sorry you're going through all fo this, Monkey1111, and that you're hurting so much! I completely agree with what all the other great, wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great, wise, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you can if you want to of course! Do that ONLY if you want to of course! Please do consider applying for disability if you can! I do believe you definitely qualify for it! Please try to look for ANY kind of government assitance like Mopey and saidso have already wisely said better than I ever could!! Please try to reach out for help as soon as you can! You WILL get through all of this one way or another! I promise you that! Keep fighting as much as you can! You're AWESOME! You're STRONG! You're a WARRIOR! I believe in you! We ALL believe in you! We're ALL rooting for you! We're ALL cheering you on! I hope you'll be able to believe in yourself as much as we ALL believe in you because YOU'RE AWESOME, YOU ROCK and YOU KNOW IT! We ALL know that! I'm sure you know that as well even if it's deep down! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! Remember that we're here for you if you need it! Feel free to PM me anytime! Let us know if we can do something to help you! Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Monkey1111! You don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! Nobody deserves to suffer AT ALL, certainly not such a strong, wonderful persone LIKE YOU! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this!