Thank you for sharing this dreadful experience.  Here are links to 2 articles by DocJohn on the subject of sexual abuse / assault:
Coping with Sexual Abuse - Psych Central
#MeToo: The Psychology of Sexual Assault
I hope that, if you're not already working through this in a therapeutic environment, you will be able to do so & that in the meantime being here on PC can be of some comfort & support.  My best wishes to you...
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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