Hello DesertDweller: I believe this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I don't believe there is much of anything in particular I can offer with regard to your situation. However here are links to 2 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Married Women and Affairs: Reality and Reasons | Healing Together for Couples

Why Do Married Women Have Affairs? | Healing Together for Couples

And then here's a link to a blog, here on PC, on the subject of surviving infidelity:

Surviving Infidelity | A blog about moving on from infidelity in your relationship

My best wishes to you & your wife. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.