I was originally dx w/bipolar.
Then because of my history of hallucinations and voices along w/the lack of “manic” episodes they changed it to sza.
I don’t know what I have. Always had anxiety and pretty bad depression. Since abt 10. Then in an abusive relationship @16 I started w/the voices. Aura, hallucination. Usually only when things were quiet or in the heat of the moment.
Left him years later. Was fine for decades. My mom died and I hit bottom emotionally. Went on zoloft and struggled through. My youngest started school and I was lost. Decided to work on me. Lost the weight. Still struggled w/empty nest but I was functioning. Then my dog got hit by car. I snapped...broke off a close friendship over it. Really really wallowed in this death. Stopped paying the bills. I honestly don’t know where the $ went. I robbed peter to pay paul. This is what they called “mania” though I never spent excessively I mismanaged a **** ton of money. Treaded water for a few months. Went out w/my kids and was kinda assaulted by 2 stupid men. I lost it. Felt like I couldn’t protect my kids, my mailbox was filled with shut off notices, the depression was like a lead weight on my shoulders. Meanwhile no one knew anything. Had some really bad thought and drove myself to the hospital.
Dx with bipolar. Then my kid suffered a severe head injury, my niece told me abt my sister, police, DCF, sex crime interviews, my marriage was struggling, I was on a cocktail of meds that was not working. I was doing everything.
Then I just suddenly lost it. Totally and completely lost my ****. Believed my niece was working w/my sister, had taken pics of my kids, believed my nephews sexually abused my kids, thought my family was harvesting my kids organs...went to the hospital. Bad meds again. Another break 2 wks later. Pretty much the same thoughts. Believed I broke up a large kiddie porn ring and was in danger. I started getting weird dating site messages do I thought it was code from my husband.
Meh...so I don’t know what I have. I seem to features of several disorders but nothing 100%. The only dx I’m certain about is my bouts of crippling depression.