today was done because of the emptiness.... this is new for me. ususally it is because emotions are overwhelming. lately tho, this feeling i am dead and empty is overwhelming. so these were done to fill the time. the body was not too very numb so i actually feel these. which is a bummer. and a bummer that they were done despite my bloodwork apnt on friday. maybe the system is trying to prove it's existance? see how far it ca push me before i just say "it was them!!" rather than take the fall like i tend to. or to prove to the outside world that they are there behind me, pushing me. i dunno. i pray for work tomorrow to fill the time.