Last night, I was struggling.

I cut.

I hate it, but it happened. I stopped.

After I stopped, I started calling people - people were out, not available. I didn't know what else to do, and what I really wanted to do was go fish the blade out of the trash and use it again.

So, i used my life line, and called the hot line back home, and asked them to connect me with former T (female one). She called back nearly immediately (thank God) but when I told her I called her b/c I'd already called everyone on my list, she said to me, "I can't be on that list."

Oh
My
God.

My stomach bottomed out.

We talked for over an hour, and at the end she said to me, "I need to ask you to forgive me. I was scared and spoke before I thought. I am here - and you are six states away and what could I do?"

I forgave her, of course.

But, I hurt. I feel in this middle place, where I'm no longer back home, but Cincy isn't home either yet. I can't use the support back there, but have none here.

What do I do?