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I ABHOR strip clubs, porn and all the male debauchery that goes on at men's bachelor parties. My fiance says he's not into this stuff.. anymore.
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ME TOO. I used to feel differently. I used to be the "cool" girlfriend who never complained when the BF went to the strip joint even though I felt like my heart was breaking.
I got married young. My husband's "bachelor" party was beer and clams with his dad, brother and uncle. Its just how it worked out. We have been married for nearly 24 years. So, thinking about how "cool" and understanding I was..we went to Vegas about 8 or 9 years ago and I decided that we were both going to go to a "reputable" strip club because I wanted to see what goes on. THAT experience changed my mind. Of course the girls were all interested in me thinking my husband and I must be into threesomes or something. This girls crotch in her tiny g string was LITERALLY on my hand. She danced all around and flung various body parts into our faces. She kept trying to get us to buy a private deal in the "champaigne" room. But guess what? Mid-boobs-in-the-face- she stopped and looked at us and asked us for more money-more or less like that. I spoke up and lied and said we only had 40$ left because we lost at gambling. And she said "well you only need 20$ for the cab back right?"
These girls want your money and they will do almost whatever you want for it.
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Now, there's a close friend of his who has a bachelor party coming up. I am kind of freaking out over the possibility of strip clubs and strippers, etc. Granted, I do not YET know the details.
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True that you do not know the details but your feelings are valid.
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But I don't know how to handle things IF and when this stuff is going to occur. He has more than one male unmarried friend, so this is going to come up again and again.
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The way to handle it is to have a conversation when there isnt already and invite. Before a party even comes up you need to share how you feel and hear what he says.
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I know I cannot tell my fiance what to do. It's his friends, his friend's party, and I have to basically suck it up, be a good wife, and say "OK, honey, have a great time!!!" when I am literally DYING inside, crying and screaming "No, please don't go!!!!!"
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Yes he is a grown man, but he is a grown man in love with you. Your feelings are valid and he should be willing to say no to the strippers and strip clubs. It does not make you insecure. To me, insecure is jealousy over every female in his life. It is not insecure to feel jealous,hurt or anger over nearly completely naked women shoving their breasts in his face, portraying sexual acts or grinding on him with only a line bit of nylon and string between her no-no zone and his body. WTF wouldn't feel insecure? I do not subscribe to or buy the idea that "men will be men" or "its what they do".
No. Men are not raised to go out to a club where other women who they are not engaged to rub and drape themselves all over them AND doing it with one hand out for the next 20$. The men in my life do not want meaningless physical stimulation. They were raised to treasure a sexual relationship and the love they have for their partner.
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I don't want my soon to be husband staring at other hot, naked women who are dancing all sexy and insinuating, coming onto him right in front of him. How absolutely insulting to ME. THAT'S HOW I FEEL.
But please do not bash me for how I feel. PLEASE. This is how I feel about it, and it literally makes me so sick to my stomach... just the thought of him being there staring at beautiful naked women, and possibly getting turned on by it.
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Someone would have to be a real asshole to bash you over this post or insult you. Not that there needs to be a right and wrong but I believe you are right to feel this way. How would your finacee feel about you going to a male review where they rub their junk on you and you put dollars in their g-strings? I bet he would not like it. You absolutely need to tell him-now- regardless of what plans are made yet with the friends' party. This is an important convo to have and it can set the path for how strip clubs and strippers are to be dealt with in the future. He needs to know after your conversation that the answer is always no. That it will always hurt you and make you feel uncomfortable. This way he wont even have to ask.
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And WHY do men even have to do this sexual ritual before they get married? I mean what the heck??
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I do not know the complete history behind the sleezy bachelor party. In idea and theory the guy is getting tied down by a wife (ball n chain) and he will have no more fun and cant chase skirts and womanize(as if your BF did that and had to stop- like no-its never ok). So the party is the "last hurrah" a "free-for-all" where he is supposed to sow his oats before the hell of marriage begins.
How. Quaint. Its so dumb. Ridiculous.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]