Quote:
Originally Posted by Amyjay
Betrayal trauma... how do you get over it? I don't know. For me I suppose I trust only in my self. Our mother allowed our father to abuse us. She would literally tell us at age 5 or 7 or 10 or whatever... if you don't do it I will have to. Later when it all came out she denied everything and protected him. She did her best to discredit us.
How do you get over it? I trust in my self. I have my own back. I look out for me. Nobody can hurt me. I don't stick around for that kind of ****. Do I "trust" in our therapist. I suppose. But I don't in any way hand my self to her and relinquish my own sovereignty. We turn up each week and she does her job. But I would walk away from her in an instant if she ever did anything that might hurt any one of us.
I will never betray us. Trusting in that allows me to possess an unshakeable sense of safety.
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AmyJay,
My heart goes out to you.
I found your story incredibly sad but also incredibly insightful in that you have found a way to build inner stability through trusting yourself. I really want to thank you for sharing this.
In order to trust in ourselves we must first learn to love ourselves and realize we deserve to be treated well; in your experience, was it difficult for you to realize that you deserve to be treated well?
I ask because I know for myself, I had internalized all my abuse and eventually believed the lies. Based on what your parents did, I can only imagine the damage it did to your self-worth.
I also like what you said about your therapist, in that if your therapist was to treat you poorly you would do what is best for you. That is a sign of being healthy and I am SO happy you have managed to create that for yourself.
I know this is none of my business, but have you maintained contact with your parents? If so, I imagine that failed attempts at being validated for your abuse has left your in extreme agony... Have you found that validation elsewhere?
You are a survivor. I am so sorry for what you have gone through.
Thanks,
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