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Apr 16, 2019, 07:42 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,008
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I tend to have anxiety about this subject to the point where I have mostly blocked it from my memory and have to work really hard to think about it but I will try...
Quote:
Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ
Hi Sarahsweets,
Has your Mom ever met your needs in regards to validation and protection from your abusers? Even if only once? If so, did she flip-flop, or was she always protecting your abusers?
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My mother has validated my needs and fully understands what happened and feels terrible and carries a lot of guilt over things. My view of it was she was doing the best she could with what she had at the time. It involves my father (at least this situation). She ran off as a hippie to california when she was 20 to marry my father. She had me when she was 21. The experimental phase of the 60's with drugs never quite wore off with my father and he continued to "recreationaly use (read abuse) drugs and always drank to much. He was what they used to call manic depressive-untreated. Its hard to know which was mental health and which was drugs and alcohol. My mom caught him being unfaithful and they split twice before getting divorced. There was lots of abuse and chaos (I cant go there with the sexual parts-too private) and he was a true narcissist IMO. He was extremely manipulating. When she broke free she had to work and be a single parent and my dad had visits on the weekend. I tried to report my-trauma to the authorities and got so far as having a case opened up but their stupid solution was to stick me in a room with a therapist and him and he intimidated me into collapsing into tears and lying- saying I made it all up. The story could go on but she knows the basics of how things went. She has prodded for more info but A- I do not want to get into it with her and B- as a parent myself I cant imagine the pain that she would feel knowing details, and C- I do not think it would better me in any way.
I have been re-traumatized since then in various ways by men and people in authority but since I have been sober I am a different person- I do not tolerate being mistreated or my loved ones to be mistreated and I have boundaries and stick up for myself(although if I were abusively treated or yelled at by say..a doctor or scared too badly I do freeze like a deer in headlights). I dont seem to have the flight or fright thing down- I tend to freeze-sometimes fighting- but mostly freezing until the fear passes.
I hope I have answered your questions ok.
__________________
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President of the no F's given society.
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