Today has been a busy day, but a good day. I am starting to feel a little anxious though. I have a family therapy appointment tomorrow with my kids. We are seeking treatment for the trauma I caused when I suffered a mixed episode with heavy psychosis last November. I have been stable for months and it is always hard to replay the memories of what I did while in that state. I can see clearly how messed up it was and it breaks my heart my kids saw it all. I know we need the help, so I am glad we are going, but I wish there was a magical way to heal without reliving the past. I'm still so ashamed and furious at myself even though it was my first episode and I had no idea what was happening to me. I feel responsible. Hopefully the therapy helps. Wish me luck.