Humans are wired to attach from the moment we are born. Premature infants do not grow and thrive as well if they do not receive at least some physical touch while in the NICU. Our need for attachment still remains in adulthood.

Sometimes attachment is healthy and sometimes it's not (based on attachment styles we learned from our parents). You have indicated that your attachment to your ex-bf was unhealthy but it was still an attachment...not something you could just switch off as soon as the relationship ended. You need time and support to work through this loss and pain. I think you are being really tough on yourself. I have a feeling you'd be more understanding and kinder to another woman in a similar situation than you are toward yourself. That may be worth thinking about.