i am so similar to you.. in the way i described my symptoms to my doctor....
i did not want them to label me so at first i avoided mentioning the mood swings.... i first took care of my anxiety which was preventing me from driving and stuff. i got various benzodiazepines for that from docs and from friends. (xanax, serax, valium)
then the depression was out of my control so i told a doc and got zoloft....
i used zoloft when i was low and the antianxiety's when i was too far manic.....
this was a major prob. i became a pill popper for a couple years.
finally i went to the doc and got honest. he knew right away that i have bipolar disorder. and he knew as i did, that bipolars should not take AD's .
i have found the depression to be worse at times also, but the consensus is, stop the cycles, and you stop the depression.
just like if you had a tonsil infection, you would need to fight the bacteria with antibiotics. you would be negligent to simply mask the symptoms with a throat lozenge!
i am a hypocrit, because of my denial and fear, i dont take the meds for my bipolar disorder ... i have them, but im woking up the courage to take them continuously.
are you afraid of a misdiagnosis? are you afraid of feeling better? are you afraid you will miss out on something? why do you want to keep your mood swings a secret like i do?