i dont have anyone to tell my thoughts to in real life.....so here i go....................

today is drastically different. iam able. not nearly as miserable. my need to make hasty, or rash decisions has withered.my brain feels literally numb.
like a part of it has shut down. like, it was growing... attempting to evolve or something, and the pain was so strong that the brain made a self protection effort and numbed it for me. closing the doors to the communication lines to the 4th dimension.
because my mind knows im unready for advanced levels of atypical cognitive functioning.
i fear my mind is deteriorating... something inside it growing... insanity would be a breath of fresh air, if only this were not real physical brain ROT and only a figment of my paranoid delusions.
i now realize that the hot sauce hypothesis was nothing more than a ploy by the ill part of my brain trying to get fed. it sneakely made me believe hot sauce would cure my illness, when all the while, i have been feeding it! causing it to grow.
and now numb, it is able to grow in silence, secretly, without detection. it is camoflauged. i have been tricked by my own mind.