It's so twisted up in my head. The shame and guilt makes me feel sick and I want to take it out on myself.
But you'll ask and I'd tell you
And wanting that is the source of the guilt in the first place
there's no way to hurt myself to alleviate the guilt that doesn't just result in more guilt
I don't know how to sit with this feeling

And if I do it, no matter how disgusted I am with myself and how much I hate myself, part of me would still be looking forward to you finding out and caring
I'm stuck