I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I know what it is like to want so desperately to keep something private and feel like there's no way out without it all coming up. I had some very deep and personal stuff that I didn't want to face surface recently and it came out horribly while I was manic.

You said she may want to evaluate you for IP. I know IP stays can be difficult, but maybe that would give you a safe place to work through this without H and T there. Perhaps it would give you some time to process a little before you face them fully. You mention you'd like to self harm in a couple of ways. Please don't do that.

Sometimes getting it all out makes you stronger. Consider that possibility. Regardless, I hope H and T can respect your boundaries and allow this to come out in a way that serves you and the health of your marriage.