Yes. And playing fortune teller/projecting. You are convinced of what she will do without giving her the chance to act as a free agent.

Um, that is a good thing. You're worried about it being exposed how ****ed up things are, but it's more ****ed up to work so hard on not getting better.

Hope that's not too blunt.

I VERY much understand the feeling of needing to protect deep dark secrets. I dealt with it a lot on ex-BF's account. And now, I have a new T and need to go into another issue that -- well, let's put it this way -- I'm sitting here at a loss how to even describe how mortified I feel talking about it AT ALL. And it's been going on for 40 years. So believe me, I get it. But I don't even stand a chance of getting over it if I don't deal with it. Otherwise, by now, the "don't talk about it" approach would have worked, right? Believe me when I say it not only has not worked, but it is worse than ever.

Just go. Fighting against getting help isn't doing you any favors.

Sending strength and best wishes.