Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
It seems like calling him has become the elephant in the living room.
Of course, if you were actively SI, he would not want your last words to be, "if only i could have called..." And everybody understands that. So no problem there.
At the other end of the spectrum in terms of frequency, he doesnt want to become an OCD tic, where you call him every time you feel a certain way. And thats where it feels like you are getting stuck in a loop, in rationalizing the OCDness?
Because i dont think its really about HOW BAD do you feel, on a scale of 1 to 10, for you to be "allowed" to call.
How do we separate the "how bad", or celebrate the how bad, from the ocd habit? Just trying to look at things in a different way. Its not a question of how close is how bad to SI. Or at least how do you separate the two.
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The thing is, I've yet to call or text when I was feeling that bad (I did leave him a voicemail once when I was upset with him about something, but that was months ago and was the sole time I've called his phone). So I don't see how that's an OCD thing. It could be said that emailing is...but lately I've tried lots of things before that. I don't jump right to email. Or I might compose something and throw it in my draft folder and let it sit overnight, sometimes just let it stay there without sending.
(ETA that I've texted to request an extra session, but that doesn't "count" as a text to him as long as I don't explain why.)
I think much of it comes down to unclear boundaries. And I think there's some element of how much does he really care. I accept that he wouldn't talk to me at 2 a.m. But, in terms of my feeling bad enough to warrant a phone call....oh...I think I just realized something. With my mom, it's like I had to be at a certain level of, say, illness to not go to school (like, maybe I had a really bad cold, but no fever, so, off to school you go!) or having a migraine didn't seem an acceptable reason to come home early from work. Or, I mean, mental illness was no excuse for anything...So...maybe this is sort of that replaying itself? Well, I may have a possible topic for today (session later than usual).
ETA: And I think it's also how he doesn't seem to think my
And maybe this is partly also about comparison with other clients, like maybe he'd be there for them more because they're sicker, while I'm not.