I don't know if this is the same, but I have grappled with forgiveness and even hate towards people who mistreated me. The worst was when I kept wondering if I was being unreasonable or was wrong in some way. Eventually I decided it didn't matter; The relationship was toxic to me and was never going to change. So I cut them off. I have not spoken to them in two decades and have no intention of ever doing so. They can live their life and I will not care or interfere. It's not forgiveness, but it's the best I can do.

That has helped.