There is nothing "wrong" with any of us. None of us inherently know what love is when we are first born. If we are never taught love - we never know love. This is how different personality disorders can be formed. If we are taught love includes pain - this is what we will search out. Not as in we see it as being "correct behavior" .. but this is how we have been taught to feel truly loved - so unless we receive some form of the treatment we recognize as love, even if we are happy - it feels "empty".. so we keep seeking out people that seem "perfect". Thing is - it is precisely the "perfect" people who are abusers. The "perfect" appearance is known as the "honeymoon stage" meant to draw you in.

From there you go into the "escalation stage" and "explosive stage" .. and it all recycles.

A true and healthy relationship .. involves infatuation where you see one another on a pedestal, later you start noticing flaws and both of you nit pick one another .. but come together and figure things out. Later, if you decide to have a serious relationship you may have more serious problems - but again, you come together and work it out. Abuse does not involve working things through - but rather acceptance of either "I caused this" or "its my fault" or "I was wrong" or "I need to change". But the person who gets into abusive relationship after abusive relationship is generally submissive by nature and not willing to be assertive bc they were taught at an early age that was wrong. If they wanted to show they loved someone - they should be submissive. Submissiveness later turned into abuse when the person started rebelling as a teen (usually) or perhaps early 20s or even preteens. Our minds are most impressionable around those times of our lives. So ... if we are taught love equates to being submissive and if not submissive, abuse - and that this person is "perfect" .. this becomes our ideal n what we relate to as love.

It is possible to break that cycle - but hard.

I hope that answers your question without upsetting you. It is what I went through.