So, although I am not you and thus can never fully grok what you are going through, I believe you have described an existence where you are faced with a choice between living with your psychosis, hallucinations and all, or medicating yourself into a state that is unacceptable to you. I have read about a number of other people ffaced with this choice and I totally agree that it sucks.

I wish I had the answer, but of course I don’t.

In the meantime, even though it doesn’t change your underlying situation, if it helps at all to scream out your frustration and pain on the screen, please do

As I understand it, that’s what we’re here for

((((((HUGS))))).