hi..

I am not sure where to post this... you see.. I am DID... and.. where this posts goes.. I do not know... where I "belong".. I do not know.. if I post in DID forum.. I hurt others... and to post here.. am not sure anyone will understand.. and also I do not want to "freak" anyone.. I feel like a fish out of water.. unsure of myself.. knowing I need support.. and not knowing where to go...

A very long time ago... years ago... I promised my alters.. that I would allow them to do the "unspeakable"... here in this forum.. when my son was raised.. established.. and doing well...

Well.. up until Sat... I did not know my son.. was a man.. doing well.. capable... established.. and yes.. so very confident...

We went Sat.. to pick up my new dog.. and it was about a 3 hour trip.. and.. yepper... that is when it "dawned" on me.. that I really had "done it"... he is a personable... wonderful.. whole person... adjusted.. capable... confident...

That you see... as a DIDer... has been my ultimate worry... that my son.. would have the life I lead... in alters... and wow.. a DIDer.. raised a very "normal" person... you see I have known thru therapy.. that I am DID... almost since he was born...

So.... now my job is done.... I feel very strongly.. that I must honor.. my alters wishes... they are a very strong force within "me"... they have waited very long for this... and... I feel that it is "time"....

so I have been struggling... mixed up... confused... since Sat... having a new dog (a retired greyhound) in the house.. having memories of abuse triggered... and then profound depression.. hit me like a "ton of bricks"....

My new dog... can go back to the agency that I adpoted her from.. it is in the contract that I signed....so I know she will be well taken care of..

Having her has also put stressors on my life... she is just off the track.. and trying to learn to live in a house.. she is a very good dog.. house broken...

It brings feelings of anxiety.. and taking care of my son.. years ago.. when he was a baby... and I struggled as a single parent... the total responsibility... the divorce from my husband... the beatings.. everything...

so... I guess.. one could say.. I am severely.. depressed... more than I have been ever in my life..

So... am not sure where I "belong".... in DID... here.. where????

my alters... are insisting.. I make good my promise to them...

does anyone understand???