Everything everyone else has said, above!

Regarding "Flags" per se: When we are New in Relationship (NIR, if you will) we don't have an established pattern with that person --YET. When incidents happen, IMO it's important to be able to quantify it: Is this an incident, or a prevalent pattern? When we are NIR, we are eager to get to know and understand the partner, and to present ourselves in the best possible light as well. In my experience, the relationship has to get some age and track record on it before hindsight can happen. And, let's be honest: We don't want to be "Wrong", either -- so self-protection comes into play.

Kicking ourselves, as Tisha said, is no fun -- and if ending or re-evaluating a relationship is going to bring dramatics and confrontation, some of us ( M E !!) have been known to let things slide...That never ends well!

I have a dear cousin (more like a sibling, we were raised together) who is ruthless about relationships, whether they are friendships, work collegial, or romantic.. She has a number of guidelines, and if the other party doesn't meet or exceed every expectation, BAM! Out they go! lol Wish I were more like her, but the fact is, that I tend to give people second, thrid, xxinfinity, chances. I'm repairing that now -- have ended several relationships in the past few years that were just bad. But could I have done it at the outset? No way. NIR-goggles are a thing, just like beer goggles!

Best,
Chyia, smh at some of the gaudy screwups in my past