As usual, the stuff that felt completely believable and incredibly painful last night just sounds silly and melodramatic now.
I couldn't stop crying while writing, and now it doesn't even feel like I ever actually felt that way.
You've never seen me completely in that state. A little bit sometimes, but never anything like that. It's usually only at night when I'm alone.

I'm kind of tempted to leave work an hour early to try to get into that headspace before the session. We're always trying to address how I feel at those times, but that's hard to do when it doesn't feel real. I wish I could have you there when it does feel real.
And maybe I just want to be extra sad so that you'll feel sorry for me. Maybe I only want to do this because I want the emotional reaction from you.
I hate that I can never trust my own motives.