Darrel, your wonds: "I feel a need to emphasize that unwittingly, in a way, we harmed ourselves with our initial rush to heal ourselves" didn't stick in my throat. It's a foregone conclusion that we rush to, if not heal, protect ourselves or the wound. I don't know how old you were when you were emotionally wounded but I was three and it continued most of my life until about 20 yrs ago. When I was emotionally wounded, I rushed to do what any three year old can do to protect themselves from something they don't understand. They shut it out and/or forget it. As we grow up, we learn different mechanisms that continue to protect us, albeit, not healthy mechanisms because we don't know any better. We don't have a voice to say "Stop it! I don't like what you're doing! What you say wounds my spirit!" Even if we knew the words and said them, we'd get told to shut up! It isn't until we grow up that we learn how to best help ourselves and even then, many times they are erroneous ways until we drag up the courage to seek help.

During therapy, one time, my therapist was nudging me pretty good and it made me mad. I told her "I've been taking care of myself since I was three! I don't need you telling me what to do!" She agreed with me that I had indeed been taking care of myself but she could teach me ways of taking care of myself much better. Yes, we all build defense mechanisms for ourselves when we're in the thick of things. Hopefully, when and IF we realize that they're not working, we look around for something better, something that really works.

Your words: "Our first instant of realization that there was "something wrong" with us was an inner acknowledgement that we were "not right". "

I sure don't remember when I realized that "something was wrong" with me. Maybe I was too young to be able to acknowledge it or remember it, but I can't remember life when I didn't feel "less than, not good enough."

Your words: "I don't think we should underestimate the amount of damage done to our self-esteem at this moment. This is the moment in time we looked at ourselves and created the division between who we wanted to be, and this other thing that wanted to share our space."

I think the real "us" goes into hiding. Either someone tells us we're no good or we internalize their words or actions that way. Just like the children of divorce. They tend to blame themselves for their parents not being able to get along or remain a family. Although there are plenty of times children do get told they are no good. Heck! Even teenagers! My mom's mother used to call me "*****" from behind doors, she whispered it so my mom couldn't hear her but it came out like venom from a viper! After so many times, I thought "Well, hell! If I have the name, I might as well have the game!" Why should I try to be "good" if I was already flawed?

You are so right about the damage! Look at me! At my age, I'm still suffering from the damage done, but I refuse to take 100% of the blame! No way, Babe! I'm only responsible from the time I found out what had happened to me! At least I took the initiative to find out why life wasn't working for me!

Looking back, I've fought several dragons... and beat them all... except this last one. God, let it be the last one!

Alright, already! I'll climb down from my soap box now... teehee

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>